I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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