I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got inside last night via doggy door
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
