omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
