Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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