you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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