omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
