my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
