OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
