I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
