i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize