dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
