dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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