So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize