if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
sex in a hospital.. check
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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