3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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