I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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