You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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