Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
