I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
