she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
