but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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