I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
