oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
