somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
