I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
