Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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