Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
