It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
