I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
