He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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