just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
