Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize