I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
