i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
