Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
