I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
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I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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