I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
