Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
