I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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