Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
