I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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