When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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