From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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