you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
