Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
