i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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