I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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