did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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