Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
