That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
