i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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