A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
