Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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