Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
