In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
