i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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