She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
