My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
