Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
