We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
