hotel room ftw
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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