He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
cat food counts as protein by the way
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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