my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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