God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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