Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
