Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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