it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
