take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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