I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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