I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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