I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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