Pants 0. Shit 1.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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