So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
