I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize