I think I won the penis lottery.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
