i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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