If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
