My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Alive.
So much puke
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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